So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
