A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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