I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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