I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
