my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
