just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
