I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
