Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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