But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
