It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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