i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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