OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
