Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
