I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
