I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
