I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
