btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Vodka?
Forever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
