I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
even my farts smell like vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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