the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
