dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My feet surprised me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
