she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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