Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
