when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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