dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
