So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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