I'm lost and stupid without you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
