I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize