hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
