Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
