Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
