I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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