jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
