Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
