I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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