I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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