Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
bring money and cleavage
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
