If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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