why didn't you poke me back
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So vagazzling was a success
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