I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
