ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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