conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
