Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
