census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
