I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
