I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
