where am i from again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
