he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
