He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
