So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize