Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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