My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
