hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
