You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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