In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
