Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
