i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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