How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
