I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
