I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
