My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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