so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
