just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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