we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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