Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize