The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
