So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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