he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
50% drunk capacity currently
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
