You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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