I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
