That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
