Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
