so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
